Why Yoga wasn't one of my six things!

My last post was a meme from K about 6 things that make me happy. You may have noticed that yoga was not one of them. You'd think that someone who gave up their career to share yoga with as many people as possible would put yoga at the top of the list....however....

The list was 6 things that make me happy - and somehow yoga is much more than that. You see yoga doesn't always automatically make me happy in the same way as writing does, or reading a good book. Sometimes yoga is a huge struggle. Sometimes it almost breaks me to drag my carcass out of bed at 7am and get on my mat every day. Sometimes the pain from my fibromyalgia is so bad the thought of doing yoga is too much.

But over the years I have come to realise that just by getting on my mat I feel better - body and soul. But better doesn't always equate to happy. Sometimes my yoga practice makes me question the limitations of my body, my health, even my own mortality. Sometimes my practice makes me cry. Yoga works on so many deep energetic levels that it equates to so much more than happiness. Yoga is a part of my day, part of me. Everything....

Yoga allows me to live with being me. Being me doesn't always make me happy, but it does make me be....

Mindfulness

Every night I ask my students to relax and let go; let go of all the activities and events of the day. To start to forget about what has happened, worry not about what might happen and instead focus on the present moment - trying not to think past the next breath; whether lying in savasana or holding a difficult pose.

And yet what if I ask myself these questions? On the rare occassions that I even find the time to ask myself these questions I hold the thought for a few seconds, but within a breath or two my mind is racing again - back to all the things I must do, all the things I could do better, all the things I need to achieve tonight, this week, this month.

Bit of a hypocrite really aren't I?!

So mindfulness - where to start. With self study to begin with; noticing behavioural patterns, noticing how I allocate my time; this latter I have done to the shocking realisation that all I really do is rush around from class to class from work to yoga. How yogic! I need to be honest with myself, face up to my own truths no matter how painful that is, because without seeing my own truth how can I possibly tell others how to look for theirs?

But mostly I need to let go of my fear of failure, my desperate need to achieve. It is no less than grasping, stealing, constantly wanting more. I need instead to access a state of abundance and flow by remaining in the present and enjoying the time that is available to me right now.

A tall order, but something for me to think about as my last week in my day job approaches. I need to change my attitude and experience of time and achievement and it is not until I practice this myself that I can truly teach my students to be in the present moment.