On health and decisions....

My health has not been great recently. My fibromyalgia has been flaring up badly (for which I am mercifully and finally about to start some new treatment) and I've been having very bad stress related migraines (the last one lasted 5 days). Consequently I have felt unable to get on my mat every single day as I would like, and then I become more stressed and the cycle continues. It has taken every ounce of strength I have to teach my classes.

Whilst I feel I cannot let my clients and students down, if I am making myself ill then I am going to end up letting them down eventually. So I have decided, much to my regret (but also to slight relief), to give up the Yoga for Cancer class I teach on Fridays on a voluntary basis at the Mulberry Centre. Much as teaching this class has brought me great joy and I have learned much, I feel that right now I have to put my own health and my treatment first.

Besides as Andy and I have decided that 2010 will be the year we move back to Cambridge to be near my family, I will gradually have to start letting my classes go -- and find somebody who is interested enough to buy my business. That's going to be a hard thing to let go of. Not quite ready yet.....
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In other news, a colleague and I (a colleague incidentally who would be perfect to take my business over from me, she just doesn't know it yet) are trying to get the local Council to release funding to allow Yoga for Pregnancy classes for pregnant teenagers in the area. We propose working with trained psychologists who are already employed by the Council and hope to get £1000 for a pilot project.....

Fingers crossed.

And finally I must update the other blog. I've been working on some lovely modifications for people with back pain and scoliosis. I'll get on to that tomorrow!

The light is filtering through

I have been feeling kind of numb lately. I guess that's why I've not been updating that much. Since Christmas I have felt stuck in a rut, uneffected by anything, emotionless. Both my yoga practice and my teachign have felt rather jaded. I read quite a few blogs of people who are just starting out on their yoga teacher training and are filled with such excitement and anticipation and I remember that feeling and I envy them. Because somewhere along the line yoga teaching becomes a job like any other and like any job, some days I'm afraid you just don't want to do it. But it doesn't have to be this way. I just have to remember where to find my inspiration.

Partly it's the fibromyalgia fog, which has been particularly bad, and partly it's the pain, which has also been particularly bad and partly I suspect it is the time of year. January and February always seem so bleak, with so little to look forward to.

But now March is here and the crocus and daffodils are in bloom and there is hope of summer.

My epiphany happened this morning during my early morning yoga practice. The sun was filtering in through the gap in the curtains lighting up a ray of dust motes (and the ubiquitous cat hair) in the air and suddenly I realised "life isn't so bad". Life is not a rollercoaster of excitement, there are things I have wanted to achieve that I have been unable to do, but I do run my own yoga business and I do make a difference to my students. I need to focus much more on the simple things, the little things. And then life is sweeter.

So today I take my inspiration from the sunshine and the fresh air. From a cup of Earl Gray and a piece of fruitcake. From the simple pleasures of the world around me.