I'm like a rollercoaster at the moment. Ups and downs with a few twists and turns in for good measure!
On paper I know what I'm doing and where I'm heading. I've taken on too much, more than I'm capable of, and the time has come to cut back. With the yoga teaching I no longer have the ability to work full time and with a long commute as well, so I am giving up. Easy. Simple. Notice handed in, last day in two weeks time.
But what I am also giving up is quite a hefty salary.
So whilst I'm elated to be giving up a job I really don't like anymore, I am also more than a little fearful about the whole bill paying thing. Himself is earning much more than he was, but it's still hard for me to learn to rely on other people for financial support. Even if it is done with love and faith.
I think I need to question my definitions of "enough". What is enough anyway? How much money is enough? How many yoga students are enough? We live in a society crippled by affluence and greed. It is difficult not to get caught up in the whirlwind. Over the last few years I have certainly cut back on huge amounts, sorted myself out financially, tried to stick to the basics. But I had still sold my soul to a corporate law firm. Now I have a chance to buy it back. But the price of a soul is high. To get what I want in terms of time, quality of life and living by my principles I have to pay the price of a high salary and re-learn the ability to always have enough.
Besides, if I approach my new venture with fear I will never be successful!
Something to meditate on nevertheless.