spring into yoga!

  "Practice and all will come!"

-- K Pattabhi Jois

I don't know about where you are but there is a distinct feeling of spring in the air here in Cambridge. The days are definitely longer and brighter, the bulbs in the garden are all poking their heads through the soil and the air feels lighter somehow, more oxygenated! This Yogini definitely has a spring in her step, awful pun very much intended.

I'm sure you've all heard of WoYoPraMo. World Yoga Practice Month is usually January and the yoga world all pledge to practice every day. I did not take part this year as I spent the first week of this January coughing up my lungs with bronchitis.

Besides I've never practiced every single day of the week. I believe in at least one rest day a week as a time to allow the body, mind and breath to assimilate the practice.  I also think that it is vitally important not to set goals that are unachievable.  It takes a very strong person not to feel a little let down by themselves if they have not achieved a goal that they have set.

A five day per week practice sits perfectly with my life right now, and so for the month of March I want to continue with my five days a week, but I want to focus specifically on poses that I have a tendency to avoid.   These include Baddha Konasana, Janu Sirsasana and Dhanurasana.  Those things we choose to avoid are often the things we need the most, so I will be working on these postures as mindfully as I can (rather than cursing myself in my head!) and keeping in mind my thoughts on 40 days of Ahimsa by being gentle with myself and not pushing or straining.  Just being in these postures that I so dislike. 

Spring always reminds makes me think of the word "bloom", as everything is just bursting, ready to bloom into life.  And that is exactly what I want to be happening on my yoga mat right now.

I would love it if you would join me dear reader.  No earth shattering goals, nothing you can't stick to but if, like me, you practice regularly, try to practice at least one posture you don't like (and we all have them) every day in March.  If you practice yoga but not as regularly as you'd like, try to put aside 20 minutes 2 times a week (my 20 minute practice might come in handy here!).  And for those of you who have never tried yoga before, why not go to a class, any class, just once sometime in March!


I'd love to know how you get on so do share!

~~~~

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mindful eating

One morning during my yoga teacher training we were each given an orange. Rather than this being a cue for a teabreak, it was the start of an exercise in mindful eating. It is an exercise that can be done with any fruit (or indeed any food), but citrus works well because you have to peel it. I have repeated the excercise again over the years both on my own and when teaching. This morning I used a grapefruit.

At first just hold the fruit, be aware of the vibrancy of its colour, feel its texture, its firmness. Roll it against your skin and feel its coolness. Inhale its aroma.

When you are ready begin to peel.

Notice the citrus aroma getting stronger. Be aware of the feeling of the skin of the fruit in your hands. Is is easy to peel or difficult? Does the pith come away with the peel or do you have to take that off separately? How does that make you feel? Does it annoy you that it takes so long to get into the fruit? Breath and be patient. Enjoy this moment.

Begin to tear the fruit into segments. Slowly. Piece by piece.

I loved it with this grapefruit as I didn't realise it was a pink one!

Feel the grapefruit juice on your fingers, how do the segments feel in your hands? Begin to anticipate how the fruit will taste. Tear each segment separately before you eat.

When you are ready take a few more deep breaths to notice how you are feeling.

Finally eat! Savour each mouthful. Chew slowly. Notice the sensations in your mouth. Notice any memories. Be aware of the fruit nourishing you, refreshing you.

Eat mindfully and be thankful! I know we cannot eat every meal with such awareness but take a moment to think about what you are eating and why you are eating it. I often find, when I think about it, I don't want that chocolate biscuit after all! And then again sometimes only a cupcake will do!

What other foods could you practice this mindful eating exercise with? What sensations would they bring?

40 days

Good morning all! I hope you all enjoyed your pancakes yesterday. We had blueberries and maple syrup with ours (the blueberries made us feel we were getting some fruit at least)! No photos I'm afraid as they were pretty much inhaled before I could get near a camera.

And so 40 days of Lent begins. Research suggests that 40 days is the right amount of time to start a new habit, or give up an old one, and for it to stick.

I went to Catholic School and so I remember Lent with a sense of trepidation. Every year for 40 days the tuck shop and snack bar were shut. No sweets or hot chocolate for us - we were all forced to give up snacks and sweets whether we wanted to or not.

These days I prefer to think of Lent as not so much a time to give things up, but more a time to start positive thinking and practices, or working on one of the Yamas or Niyamas (the yogic codes of conduct towards ourselves and others).

This year as I continue to travel through my year of mindfulness, I'm going to work once more on ahimsa. The first of the Yamas, ahimsa asks us to act in a non-harmful way, in kindness - towards others, towards the planet and towards ourselves.

And it is that last I have trouble with. I spend so much time on others and on the external world that sometimes I burn myself into the ground. Sometimes I beat myself up, compare myself to others too much, ignore my own limitations. So this Lententide I am going to act with kindness in any way I can including towards myself.

What about you dear reader? What are you giving up or starting for Lent?

the yoga of writing

There is a moment whilst writing when pen and paper or fingers and keyboard become one; when nothing else matters; when the writer is totally absorbed in the present moment and the line between writer and written word disappears completely.

These moments to me are the yoga of writing. If yoga means 'yoke' or 'union' and yoga is the union of breath and movement, of body and mind, then this moment is the union of me as the writer and the writing itself. There is nothing else but the sound of my heart, my breath and the words forming in my mind and reforming on the paper or screen. There is no monkey mind. There is just writing.

I wish these moments came more often. But as with meditation and asana practice, the moments come and the moments go. We cannot force these moments, we can just allow ourselves to be.

~~~

Which brings me to a question, dear readers. I have read many, many books on yoga over the years; from the ancient texts to modern travelogues of yoga ashrams; from anatomical text books to the poetry of Shiva.

But is the yoga book market saturated? Or do you think there are so many more stories to be told?

(Naturally I am in the second camp. Otherwise I could be wasting my time!)

quieting the monkey mind

Anyone who has ever practiced any form of yoga or meditation will have experienced the monkey mind. The monkey mind jumps from one thought to another like a monkey jumping from tree to tree, and it does it at the most inappropriate moments.

In the second verse of his Yoga Sutras, Patanjali talks about chitta vritti nirodhah or the ability to control and still the movements of the mind so that the true self or Atman can be seen without distortion or distraction. Only then are we truly practicing yoga. Only then are we truly practicing meditation. Only then are we able to enter sat-chit-ananda, a state of conscious bliss.

Apart from very brief and occassional moments; one notable one in a hotel room in Katmandhu, the state of sat-chit-ananda has mostly eluded me mainly because of the constant distraction of my monkey mind.

We've all been there, sitting on our meditation cushions pretending to look calm and serene when really our mind is racing ten to the dozen like a duck's legs as it paddles along, producing a stream of consciousness of which Joyce would be proud.

"Goodness I'm uncomfortable."
"I wonder if I'm sitting up straight enough."
"I'm hungry."
"Must remember to buy some washing up liquid on the way home."

etc.

It happens in asana practice as well.

"Hmmmm... she's very bendy, I wish I looked like that."
"oooh nice yoga trousers/tattoo/navel piercing."
"I'm hungry."
"Must remember to buy some washing up liquid on the way home."

And I don't know about you dear reader, but even away from my mat and cushion my monkey mind is in overdrive. Whilst looking for one thing, I will find another and begin an entirely new search at a wholly impractical time. I will be distracted by a shiny button and right now the monkey mind is in overdrive about an exciting new development in my writing. Now this is all well and good, but there is a time and a place for everything.

In this year of mindfulness it is more important than ever before for me to be conscious of my monkey mind and at least attempt to deal with it when it strikes.

Personally I have always found focus on the breath the best way to bring the awareness back to the present, to the here and now. One practice that works for me is feeling the breath travelling up and down the body and this can be done anytime, lying, sitting, standing, during asana practice, whilst doing the washing up, wherever you choose!

As you inhale visualise the breath travelling up the body from the soles of the feet to the top of the head, filling up the whole body with energy and vitality. As you exhale visualise the breath travelling down the body from the top of the head to the soles of the feet taking with it tiredness and tension. A few rounds of this breath can soon bring you back to the moment, and the task in hand.

As for the achievement of of chitta vritti nirodhah, well all I can do is keep practicing. Maybe one day. In the meantime I take solace in something Tara once told me. Like sleep, we can set up the perfect environment for meditation, but like sleep, we cannot force it to come.

Namaste!

the time has come, the walrus said

The time has come to stop being a hypocrite. The universe has decreed it.

(bikes in Cambridge - www.stockphotopro.com)

Himself and I are pretty passionate about the planet we live on (and I have to be honest here, Himself does all the hard work and research, I just do what I'm told). From what we eat, to where we shop, to where we go on holiday we try our very best to keep our carbon footprints and our plastic bags as minimal as possible.

Except I have one great weakness. My car (Himself doesn't drive so he can continue to polish his halo). I know, I know. It's not even a new car, with low pollution, let alone a hybrid or electric car. It's a 14 year old heaving rustbucket. But I love it. I use all sort of excuses for driving places from "you try carrying 15 yoga blocks around with you on the bus" to "I've got fibromyalgia *whine whine*". Yeah, quite. I really don't use it that much, there's just times, like going to work, when it's just more....convenient.

But really these days I have no excuses. I live in Cambridge, the City of the Bicycle, I no longer need to carry 15 yoga blocks anywhere and honestly, my health is under control.

And then yesterday, a message from the gods. My car went in for a service and came out a write off. The work it needs will cost about twice as much as the car is worth.

I was so upset. Himself worked out how much money I'd spent on the damn car in the last year and I had a minor heart attack. He then pointed out that I could get a lot of taxis/pairs of shoes/glittery eyeliners for that money. I smiled.

So this morning I cycled to work. It's a 6 mile (about 10km) round trip. The 3 miles to work takes me about 25 minutes at the moment but I'm hoping to get that down to 20 minutes over the next few weeks. It felt good to be cycling, I felt I could be in a much more mindful place on my bike than in my car and oh but how good it felt cycling past the queues of traffic that I usually sit in!

So for now, we'll see how things go. We're going up to Yorkshire at the weekend so I will be hiring a car for that. it does mean I will have to cancel the teaching opportunites that I had lined up as I physically will not be able to get to the venue, but everything happens for a reason. Maybe the universe is telling me to focus my energies elsewhere.

I'd like to think I could live without a car. I'm taking it one day at a time.

In the meantime I would like this panier set!

a break from yoga?

(today’s post inspiration brought to you by babs)

It came as quite a shock to me to realise I have been practicing yoga pretty much consistently for nearly 20 years! I may still think I’m 17 in my head but it turns out I’m not. (I currently have a 17 year old work experience girl working with me and she is a constant reminder that I am getting OLD!!!)

I digress!

I practiced yoga with my mum as a child, not continually but certainly on and off. But apart from a three year break where I defected to Pilates, I have been practicing regularly since I was 16. At first it was just a good balance to all the dance classes I was doing. Then it was just a good balance for my head whilst I wrote my thesis (both of them!). It started to become a basic daily necessity of my life about 10 years ago when I first started living and working in London. A girl has to find that bit of peace where she can!

That natural progression from all this was, of course, to train to teach. The training was primarily to develop my own understanding of yoga. Ending up being a full time yoga teacher for two years was just one of those things that happened almost by mistake.

So what has all this to do with breaks from yoga?

I haven’t taken a substantial break from my own practice for a long time, other than the odd week here and there when I’ve been on holiday or sick. When I do take these short breaks I feel it. I come back to my mat refreshed and raring to go, but I do miss it while I’m away. I never feel I need to take substantial breaks away from my mat.

The break I’m talking about here is with teaching. After two years of teaching full time I’m sorry to say it really started to feel like a job. All jobs, no matter how much you love them, have elements of dull plodding routine. All jobs have at least one aspect that isn’t fun. I loved teaching yoga. What I didn’t love was marketing, finances, doing my tax return. Everything became a bit too much and that joy of yoga, that I have spoken about before started to disappear.

Apart from the odd cover class I haven’t taught yoga since last September. The break ahs been good. I have been able to re-evaluate my own practice and I’m working with a great teacher again. I have great teaching opportunities coming up and after my break I’m ready for them.

But this time I’m grabbing them with balance and mindfulness. I do, after all, have a terrible habit of doing too much which is probably another post for another time!

my word for 2010 - mindfulness

Mindfulness is calm awareness of one's body functions, feelings, content of consciousness, or consciousness itself.
~~

In choosing mindfulness as my word for the year I am not hoping for miracles, I don't look upon it as the first step on the road to enlightenment, I just want it in its lowest common denominator. I just want to be here right now.

I have a tendency to spend time in a rose-tinted past or an imagined future. Times when things were or will be better. A tendency that is not uncommon in people suffering from chronic illness or pain. One day things will be better and then life will be like it used to be. Meanwhile I am missing all the experiences that life is throwing at me right now. They don't always have to be good experiences to be important.

So this year I want to be present in everything I do. When I write, when I eat, when I am with those I love, when I am at work, when I exercise, when I meet new people or try new things, when I am on my mat. Especially when I am on my mat.

This isn't about hours of meditation every day, this isn't about experimenting with different mindfulness techniques (not that there is anything wrong with that). This is about appreciating the life I have right now. Every damn moment of it.

Attachment

Flo told a joke that made me giggle the other day. In fact she won a yoga mat for telling this joke.

Why couldn't the yogi vaccum his carpet?
Because he lost all his attachments!

It brings up visions of a little Indian man sitting in lotus smiling serenely whilst surrounded by pieces of broken vacuum cleaner!

Joking aside, letting go of attachment is a strange thing. What does it even mean? I guess it's something different to everybody. To me attachments are more emotional than physical. Yes, I have physical attachment in terms of non-necessary items such as a TV, PS3, my beloved laptop (although I'd argue that last was necessary!!), but I'm not so emotionally attached to them as to be unhealthy I don't think. I just like having them. No, to me emotional attachment to people places and objects of apparently no value are far more difficult to get rid of.

I have a friend who has a broken tambourine. You can't play it, it's not even pretty to look at, but she cannot give it up. It reminds her of a time past, a time of joy. Some would say we shouldn't need to hold onto that physical object to remember the time of joy. Others would go further and say that we should only live in the right now and therefore we do not need to remember past joys but instead focus on the present joy within. As for me, well my friend knows her relationship with her tambourine is bizarre and she works hard towards present joy. Maybe being aware of our attachments and treating them with mindfulness is all we need.

I have been working through a particular attachment myself recently - an attachment to my chiropractor. My old chiropractor Zane changed my life. For any new readers I have a rather rare form of congenital upper thoracic scoliosis which for many reasons was not diagnosed until adulthood. Yoga does it wonders, Zane worked miracles. When I moved to Cambridge I had to leave Zane behind. I have recently begun to see another wonderful chiropractor here called Jasper. He is very good, very understanding. But he's not Zane.

I have to let go of that attachment though if I want to move forward fully into this new phase of my life. I have to appreciate Zane for what he was and where he took me. And now I have to step forward on my own.

Pratyahara for 2009

Pratyahara is one of Patanjali’s 8 limbs of yoga. The idea of sense withdrawal, looking inwards. We spend so much time looking out, filling our senses but without some inward direction are we just projecting our thoughts and emotions onto the outside world unnecessarily?

Human beings have a definite tendency to look out on the world as the source of their unhappiness, their dis-ease, their discontent. We spend time searching outside ourselves for contentment. If only I had a better job/more money/the perfect partner then I would be happy. And then we get those things and realise still, something is missing. Looking for happiness in external things is akin to “planting an apple seed and hoping to see a banana tree grow”1.

In yoga we stand all this on its head. If we believe all suffering is about perspective and it therefore originates in the mind then it is the mind that needs to be changed. And to do this we need to bring the awareness inwards. Pratyahara.

Sensory withdrawal is not easy and I don’t want to make this post any longer than is necessary. It involves reigning in ego and judgement. It involves letting go of what the ego tells us is “bad” and “good”. It is about realising that how we see things is only our perspective and not truth. And I learned a very important lesson in this on a personal level recently.

How do we approach Pratyahara in our modern world, surrounded as we are by sensory stimulus? One way that has been springing to my mind recently is occasional technological fasting. A weekend perhaps without computer, phone, iPod. I think a huge amount of insight and creativity can come up out of that. There is nothing wrong per se in sensory experience. I love music, the internet, watching Australian soap operas (well I’m only human!), but I also want to be sure I make time to not be surrounded by these things. To work out who I am.

Some people have said to me that Pratyahara is like closing a door. Shutting out the world around me. Ignoring, or even ignorance. But I see it more like a door opening. I feel if I take the time to withdraw from the things that cause my mind to give me pain and examine the root of that pain I am able to cope with the world around me, or my perception of the world around me with heightened insight and hopefully (eventually) a little more patience and mindfulness.

1 from Darren Main's "Yoga and the Path of the Urban Mystic"

On the role of a yoga teacher

The interwebz have been full of thoughts and answers to this question and it's something I've been mulling over for a while. I thought I'd add my two pennies for what it's worth. This is purely how *I* feel as a yoga teacher and bears no judgement whatsoever on teachers who think differently! :)

I think teachers, of any discipline, are enablers. We enable our students to reach their full potential. We encourage them to keep working, to keep improving. Sometimes our students surpass us. My mother was an English teacher for many many years and got many of her students into Oxbridge - a feat she never managed herself. Sometimes we just help our students move on to the next level.

As a yoga teacher therefore it is not imperitive that we can perform every asana we teach "perfectly" (whatever that means). In fact, in my experience, I have found that my own limitations give my students a deeper insight into their own practice. "Look at me," I say, "I can't do some of these asanas very well. Some of them I may never do in this lifetime, but I keep trying because yoga is a journey, a work in progress". I've always found this attitude makes my students realise what they are capable of, because they can see I am only human too.

Because to me what we as western yoga teachers are not is great leaders, gurus, spiritual teachers. I don't ever want to be seen that way. It makes me uncomfortable when students refer to me as their guru, or even their mentor. I am just an ordinary woman with an ordinary job who teaches some yoga because it is my greatest love. I am just helping you a little along your road in yoga. Most of the work comes from you, from deep inside. Don't become too attached to a teacher or a particular class in a particular place because this detracts from the root of yoga. That part of yoga that you carry around with you anywhere. That ability to practice, wherever you are, whenever you need to.

I am not denying there are some teachers who are able to lead the way, who are able to give deep insight into the spirit and philosophy of yoga. But if you are just an ordinary person who enjoys coming to a weekly yoga class to stretch and relax and meet people and ease your bad back then you really are the same as me. Eventually you will probably strive for more, you will look for further reading, you will self study, you will find yourself being kinder, calmer, less demanding. You may even train to teach yourself. But at the end of the day we are all the same, we are all on the yoga road. We are all in it together.

Namaste :)

My Right Hip

So last week I asked my chiropractor if we could have a look at the x-rays of my hips and pelvis. About three years ago when I first started seeing this chiro he x-rayed pretty much my whole skeleton. As most of my main issues were in my upper back and shoulders we've been concentrating on them predominantly. However, recently these issues have been getting much much better and the old issues in my right hip have been playing up again. My right hip keeps seizing up, so badly that I had weird spasms in Pigeon pose the other day and had to fall sideways out of it :)

I have mixed feelings about what I saw in the x-ray. There is a definite difference between the two sides. My left hip sits nicely in it's socket with lots of space to rotate, my right is kind of stuck in a small socket and I am now aware that the clunking noise I sometimes hear from it is the ball of the top of the thigh bone hitting the bone of the socket. It's really hard to describe but basically there will never be the same rotation of movement in that hip as in the left one. In some ways I feel good about this, it's the way I'm made and I don't have to beat myself up for not working hard enough. On the otherhand it's yet another part of my body that does not damn well work properly!!!

So this week I will mostly be working on mindful accpetance of my right hip - keep the ligaments loose but don't force anything and love my body just the way it is. It's my karma after all.

More on food and moving on

If you read my relatively infrequent blog updates you will know that over the last few weeks I have been slowly trying to draw myself back to an animal free diet. I've really surprised myself with some absolutely delicious meals - and secretly I think Himself has been rather surprised as well. He certainly hasn't complained. And he's been wonderfully supportive - although he has been cooking himself bacon on the BBQ in the back garden :)

My favourites so far have been the refried chili beans with brown rice and corn chips (still working on tracking down vegan sour "cream" in the UK) and the vegan Mac and "Cheese" I made last night (which could have done with a bit of extra Cheezley to be honest, but I'll know for next time). The daal was also good but I made enough to feed an army so I got a bit bored of it!

Also been baking lots of nice vegan treats :)

=

We have been taking some time to visit various places that we probably won't see again once we move to Cambridge. I'm not sure it's always a good idea to re-visit places that have good memories attached, yet I persist in doing it (and persist in being let down!).

So on Saturday after I'd finished teaching, we took a nostalgic trip to the Fishponds. Back when we were first dating, I lived in North London and used to come down to Surbiton for the weekends where many a happy afternoon was spent at the Fishponds doing... well those things people who have just started dating do ;)

We haven't been for ages and ages so we thought it might be nice. We were wrong. All the fish seem to be dead. The ponds themselves have barely any water in them and the ducks are sort of paddling about in 6 inches of green sludge. On top of that there was a girl chucking rocks at ducks and her parents were just letting her. I really wanted to say something but I just don't have the guts. It reminded me of the time I saw a woman letting her lab shit on the verge outside my house and then just walk away. I wish I'd said something to her to. My mum said I should have just taken her registration number and reported her. I'm sure I used to be more confrontational but I'm also very aware these days of trying hard not to think bad thoughts. Aaaarrrggghhhh!!!

Anyway next week I believe we're going down to the East Sussex coast and ruin some memories there! :)

Day 30 - I did it!

So I have completed my goal - I have blogged every day for 30 days. It's actually been really interesting to sit down each day and think of something to write about - to watch my thoughts and focus on one particular thing and articulate how I feel about that thing. It's another form of mindfulness and I'd like to be able to keep it up, although perhaps not daily! That's been quite hard.

For my last post I'll leave you with some photos.

Firstly the herbs I planted before Easter are beginning to grow (I hope to post more news on that later in the summer!)









And secondly, two fat kitty bums sitting on the sill.









Another month begins tomorrow, I hope the May weather in the UK is sunny and warm and I get to spend time outside. We're due a good summer surely!

Day 29 - Pratyahara

The mind can be made steady by focussing on the activities of the senses
-- Patanjali

As we go through our daily life, many of us our not using our senses properly. We take in so much and we are so overstimulated by the energy of the world around us, but we never take the time to really process all the stimulus our senses soak up. When was the last time you stopped to smell a flower, or listen to birdsong, or taste the flavour of the food you are eating? I know for my part I have a tendency to live my life in a constant state of rush - from client to class to errand completely ignoring everything around me apart from the task I am focussing on.

Most of us our guilty of rushing through life in this way, thinking only of train timetables, email inboxes, telephone calls. We rarely stop to allow ourselves to be aware of the wonder that surrounds us and the things that our senses take in every day.

By being aware of our senses and what they take in, we can begin to have some measure of control over them and only then can we come to have any measure of control enough to steady the mind.

A good way to start is mindful eating. Next time you eat, be it a full meal or just an apple, begin to be aware of each mouthful, how it feels in your mouth, how it tastes in different parts of the mouth. Chew slowly and swallow with awareness and gratitude, taking time before the next mouthful.

Slowly over time we can begin to bring mindfulness into all the tasks in our daily routine!

Namaste!

Day 20 - Knitting

It was a yoga teacher who re-introduced me to knitting a few years ago. I'd learned to knit as a child, but it had been a long time since I'd got out the needles.

This particular teacher knitted like a demon! You could hardly see the needles move she went so fast, and she produced some beautiful stuff. She said she found knitting meditative, time when she could allow herself to focus on the feel of the needles in her hands, the movement of the yarn through the needles, time when she could totally be in the moment.

As someone who has a tendency to read too much and probably watch too much TV I thought knitting seemed a good way to get that "in the moment" feeling off my mat; a wind down before sleeping.

So two years ago I started what I thought at the time to be a relatively unambitious project. Knit a ton of squares and stitch them together as a blanket.

It took a little longer than I thought. I sewed the last of the squares together yesterday afternoon. It was a lesson in patience as well as being in the moment, but it has left me with a feeling of achievement now it is finished!

I have a couple of new knitting projects in mind. Like that yoga teacher said, it helps me to be in the moment, it helps me to work on mindfulness. But it is also a slow process for me, so don't expect too much too soon!

Day 10 - Being in the Moment

After years of practice, it becomes relatively easy to be in the moment when you are on your mat. Each breath and each posture follow one another easily and on most days my mind stays on my practice, and the rhythms of my body.

However, when it comes to being off the mat our ability to stay in the moment depletes! How many times each day do you find yourself wishing you'd done something in your past (immediate or further back) differently? How many times do you find yourself planning for an imagined future - wishing away the now for some time when everything is bound to be better?

This was brought home to me particularly yesterday as I drove 100 miles north to Cambridge to see my parents for the Bank Holiday weekend. It being the day before the long weekend, the world and his wife were off in their cars and we had a 2 hour delay on the M25.

I spent most of this 2 hour delay either declaring how bored I was, wishing I had never left or wishing I was in Cambridge already. There probably wasn't a single point in the whole 2 hours when I allowed myself to be in the moment. Yes, the M25 isn't the nicest place on earth but I was alone with my beloved listening to some very good music. And really, that's not a bad place to be is it?

Sometimes it's important to look past the frustrations of the now and find the good parts within those frustrations. The past and future do not truly exist; all we have is right now and we need to make the most of it.

Namaste!

Day 9 - Easter Baking

This is going to be a bit of a fly-by post, and not really about yoga (unless you count eating cakes and chocolate with mindfulness a form of yoga off the mat!) as I'm off to Cambridge to see my parents in a few minutes, but I thought I'd leave you with some pictures.

Firstly, the herbs I planted yesterday:
We planted, rosemary, thyme, chives and basil (the first three need to be wrapped in plastic for the first two weeks).

Then we did a bit of Easter baking - we made chocolate cornflake nests and sheep cupcakes!

Hope everyone out there has a great Easter weekend!

Why Yoga wasn't one of my six things!

My last post was a meme from K about 6 things that make me happy. You may have noticed that yoga was not one of them. You'd think that someone who gave up their career to share yoga with as many people as possible would put yoga at the top of the list....however....

The list was 6 things that make me happy - and somehow yoga is much more than that. You see yoga doesn't always automatically make me happy in the same way as writing does, or reading a good book. Sometimes yoga is a huge struggle. Sometimes it almost breaks me to drag my carcass out of bed at 7am and get on my mat every day. Sometimes the pain from my fibromyalgia is so bad the thought of doing yoga is too much.

But over the years I have come to realise that just by getting on my mat I feel better - body and soul. But better doesn't always equate to happy. Sometimes my yoga practice makes me question the limitations of my body, my health, even my own mortality. Sometimes my practice makes me cry. Yoga works on so many deep energetic levels that it equates to so much more than happiness. Yoga is a part of my day, part of me. Everything....

Yoga allows me to live with being me. Being me doesn't always make me happy, but it does make me be....

Too Much Too Soon... (or, on going back to class)

So this week I have returned to yoga class for the first time since before Yule.

On Wednesday morning I went to the Iyengar teacher who lives just around the corner from me - she has converted the ground floor of her three floor Victorian semi into a yoga studio, a very peaceful beautiful yoga studio.

I fall in and out of love with the Iyengar method of yoga. It's very precise, concentrates on alignment and correct positioning of feet, hands and spine - all of which really help with my own alignment and scoliosis. However, on the flip side I feel it concentrates too much on the alignment and "correct" way of doing a posture, rather than working with the capabilities and limitations of the individual and at the expense of stillness, pranayama and meditation. In conclusion then, whilst I enjoyed the session, my sacrum and sacro-iliac joints were burning by the end of the 90 minute class and by the end of the day I was in screaming agony. I am not a great believer in pushing your body too far - I appreciate that sometimes a person needs to push, but not to this extent. Again it is an example of my need to practice having "enough", not reaching out and grasping for more, wanting for more than my body can achieve.

So yesterday I went to a Satyananda class in Clapham. A much more gentle and subtle practice - less asana based, far more pranayama and meditation. I have found over the last couple of years that my own personal practice has become much gentler, much more based on the movement of the breath and the length in the spine rather than pushing to achieve complicated asana. And that is why I love Satyananda - especially in this venue; a little attic with skylights on a sunny April morning. There is of course a flipside to this as well - Satyananda doesn't speak fully to me. There is almost a sense of ignoring the body for the energy of the breath and mind, and while I am not against that per se, there is an aspect of yoga that is about healing the body as well. I also teach yoga from a Western perspective - we are living in a Western culture after all and for a lot of people there is a lot about yoga in it's completely classical form that does not ring true. This doesn't mean of course I won't be returning to the Thursday morning Satyananda class - I will, it was just what I needed and filled with people I know and trained with!

I have two problems with classes at the moment. The first it purely a timetabling one. I cannot make evening classes as I am teaching myself - same goes for Saturday and Monday mornings. And I cannot find a single Tuesday morning class anywhere in Surrey or South West London! Come May I will be working three days a week and thus far it seems those days will be Wed-Fri. I really need to go to as many classes as I can while I can!

The second is that I trained and teach in the Viniyoga style of TKV Desikachar. I believe that yoga is healing, both physically and emotionally, but that everybody's bodies need different things, in approaches to both asana and pranayama. This is why my classes are so small and why I teach different classes on different days. Not everything is for everyone. However, it would appear I am the only Viniyoga teacher in the area as well. And I cannot go to my own lessons.

I trained in north London and it's a long and expensive trek for a yoga class....

But enough, it is a beautiful April morning, and time for my own practice in the sunshine.